How I Finally Got Out of a Protection Racket!

Sometime in the late 90s, I willingly accepted the very kind offer of a friendly sounding firm to protect some of my most precious things. The deal was simple, in exchange for some contact information, I would be entitled to complete protection from any would-be threats against me, going so far as to actively look out for potential issues which might cause grievances down the line. Naturally, I accepted. This is the correct price-point in my book… and so for several years the deal was the sweetest I’d ever known. Eventually I even went so far as to begin paying for their services by choice. The level of ‘protection’ was nothing I couldn’t already get for free, but you know that feeling when you want to give something back when you’re delighted with a product or service? Yes, that. So – for a long while I felt comfortable knowing that I might plot and scheme in relative peace.

Sadly (and somewhat inevitably I feel, looking-back – FM), that’s when the real racket began. Nothing’s truly free, remember?

It started harmlessly enough, now I’d handed over cash they weren’t about to let me go back to humble ‘free‘ services again – not without a severe guilt-trip. The looming threat of “Well, it’s protection, for sure, but it’s not gonna be quite as *good* as what you already have, if you catch our drift…. the boss ‘aint gonna be too happy, if you know what I mean…” – feel free to picture an individual sporting a skinhead and brandishing a barbed-wire club at this stage. So I kept paying. And for another year I had the ‘set-it and forget-it’ mentality. Nothing dreadful came my way, the protection was doing its job.

Another year later, and a whole raft of ‘new’ and ‘exciting’ offerings came my way. Offering not only protection, and an active lookout for any new potential threats, but now they’d gladly protect all of my personal financial information, clean up my work space regularly and make sure the whole lair was operating at optimal performance. I once again got excited at the prospect of their services – I’d be silly not to upgrade! The price tag wasn’t even an issue! *Just do it*! ୧༼ಠ益ರೃ༽୨

So I did it.

I had the absolute highest protection offered. High-horse status was well and truly achieved. I had my own personal cotton-wool-filled hermetically sealed world, wrapped in bullet-proof bubble-wrap, locked in a fireproof safe. This was the ‘premium’ service with all of the various bells and whistles attached. Feeling at-ease once again, I felt I was one of the few folks who had gone out of their way to pay for these things, while most continued to happily languish with their freebie package. I looked down upon such individuals. “The fools! They’ll be sorry once the real threat begins, and their paltry $0 subscription is shown to be naught but… naught!”.

Years pass. The price gradually increasing with each passing annual renewal, nothing terribly noticeable. I’d even gone so far as to set an auto-payment so I could get on with my life without the hassle of the racketeers, smugness continued. I HAD IT ALL! ୧༼ಠ益ರೃ༽୨

Eventually, I check-in on my account with them, and the grin was quickly wiped off of my face. I noted they’d begun to offer several add-on products, outside of their top-tier package! I was fuming. I just wanted their all-in-one top-brass service so I could sit on my invincible throne! I wanted a big button that said ‘pay the money and get ALL of the things’ so I could engage once again in one of my favorite pastimes of gloating at those beneath me. To have no way to have it all with an initial purchase? That’s like a compulsory premium paid loot box in a AAA-game [Achievement get: Contemporary Reference]. Frustrating and unnecessary. I WANTED IT TO BE EASY! This was the last-straw. Not to mention a competitor had opened-up in town. In the past they had been shown to pale in comparison to my premium offering (cue more gloating), but gradually, year by year they got better at their job, until they were shown to be one of the best at the gig. The cost? $0.

So, wading through a torrent of messages explaining how much I would regret my decision (and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a tinge of regret at first, I liked that lofty perch, after all) – I cancelled my renewal to Avast AntiVirus and its associated other programs. Microsoft’s Windows Defender has been doing an admirable job ever since.

…I suppose the whole ‘not getting a virus ever’ thing counts for something. So I’ll hand it to the folks at Avast, they did what they promised, and I’ll definitely miss the ‘Talk-Like-a-Pirate-Day themed audio alerts. But I have a new boyfriend now.

Ironically, the only virus I ever got in that time was on my MacBook….

Stay evil, folks. ಠ_ರೃ

-FM