Kefka Palazzo: A Fan Letter

Dear Mr. Palazzo,

I realise that, at the time of writing this letter, you are in fact dead. Hopefully this will not delay you overlong in reading this letter as I wish to express to you my deepest gratitude for the inspiration you have given evil-doers and villainy in general.

I cannot recall another individual whose sheer brilliance on the subject of world-domination was so tremendously well-realised, who could simultaneously take the time to savour the smaller-things. Whether you’re bonking someone on the head with a morning star, or literally ending the world, you have shown yourself to be nothing more than a class-act through and through. Lesser villains might stab a hero to death, knock-off a few guards here and there, burn-down the odd village and ultimately use the cells of their deceased mother to summon a world-ending force and all that, but bringing the world into ruin, and doing it successfully – ALL BY YOURSELF – that just makes me rub my hands together with villainous glee.

So – as a lifelong-fan, I would like to enquire: How does one go about locating and absorbing the power of an Esper? To this day it is one of my own shortcomings, and you so elegantly made it seem like the simplest thing ever done, that when you found yourself supposedly cornered by dozens of the things, a simple wave of the hand taught those pesky would-be defenders – in a pretty ultimate way – who was boss. I particularly liked it as well when you obviously let that Celes girl stab you to make those would-be ‘heroes‘ think that you were somehow able to be defeated. That was a stroke of pure genius! I bet they even thought you were angry! Sublime! But the power of an Esper must be a terribly difficult thing to control… so I was wondering if you could, you know, give me some tips or the like for a guy trying to ‘go it on his own’, so that I might one day be able to have a bit of a scrap with someone such as you myself… perfectly friendly-like, of course!

Another thing – as the God of Magic™ – do you receive offerings in exchange for a brief glimpse of power or suchlike? I’d very much like to borrow the ability to cast a fireball or two at-will for the next time I’m at the pub and the landlord tries something as idiotic as attempt to charge me for an ale. Do you need some followers? I’m pretty certain I could round-up some folks and ‘encourage‘ them to welcome their new villainous overlord. Nothing deceitful or the like, a bit of sacrificing here and there, nothing terribly out of the ordinary, and I get to wield some kick-bottom spells and the like for a while. Not building an arsenal or anything – and certainly not in an attempt to outdo you or the like. Just good old-fashioned friendly magic-based artillery. Just in case!

I also wanted to ask you about the Warring Triad – specifically whether you really needed… all three of the Triads’ power, mainly because – as it is – you’re entirely capable of taking over the world and bringing about its destruction! Who needs all of the power all of the time… am I right? So – I mean, what I guess I’m trying to say is… let me know if you’re ever thinking of putting one of the Triad’s power on eBay or something, you know, would be great to have first refusal..!

Last thing – promise. What stopped you from bringing actual destruction to the world? I mean, I know you were killed and so forth, but surely something as simple as that wouldn’t stop you, right? You yourself said “But what’s the fun in destruction when there are no ‘precious’ lives lost?” – Now I don’t know about you, but there are rather a lot of lives in the world, and I feel that the systematic destruction of everything ever would definitely go a long way to making more than a few of those lives a little inconvenienced. If you’re looking for someone with some real Administrative skill to er… ‘look-after’ the planet while you take the time to recuperate and plan your next big scheme, I’m definitely the villain for the job! It’s no gigantic tower of magic or anything, but I have a pretty terrific Flying Volcano Fortress™ – and you’re more than welcome to visit any time!

Anyway thank you for taking time out of your nonexistence to listen to this old B-Class villain ramble on about how amazing he finds you. Well, A-Class officially (though much closer to the lower S-Class, thinking about it…), certainly not a shade on you though, for sure! I mean, who could beat an evil laugh like yours, right? I’ve been practicing and I definitely can’t come up with anything more terrifying than that 16-Bit giggle that you use so powerfully!

I hope you recover from your present indisposition with all-speed. I’ve left my Telephone number, email address, postal address and even my fax number on the reverse of this letter, a copy of which can be found at FlamingMonocle.com, so I do hope you find the time to reply to me – I also have a YouTube Channel and a Twitch channel, in case you get bored and want something to watch. It’d be great if you could like and Subscribe and leave a comment and all of that..!

ANYWAY! Thank you! Keep up the evilling..! As always I remain,

Your humble servant,

Lord Flaming Monocle

P.S: Who does your makeup?