On the ‘Guild of Calamitous Intent’
To whom it may concern (and it should concern a lot of people gravely),
Please consider the following herein my official application to join the Guild of Calamitous Intent.
As a supremely talented, intelligent, fragrant, and exceedingly egotistical supervillain, I have no doubt that the Guild of Calamitous Intent will be honored to have me join their ranks. With my unparalleled skills and cunning intellect, I am certain that I shall quickly rise through the ranks and become a force to be reckoned with within the organization.
When one can successfully infiltrate a giga-mega-high-security government facility and steal plans for a tremendous prototype laser weapon, and one is able to hold any city hostage (demanding a substantial ransom from the authorities), one may certainly say that their successful application ought to be a guarantee. Though my talents don’t just lie in brute force. I am also a master of deception and manipulation. At any given time I could easily pose as a wealthy philanthropist and infiltrate any number of charity organizations. From there, I might well manipulate the board of directors into funneling large sums of money into my own already voluminous accounts, all while maintaining my cover as a generous benefactor. My villainy is truly without parallel.
One of the things that makes the Guild so impressive is the variety of skills and specialties that its members possess. In particular I am a big fan of Phantom Limb, the former member of the Revenge Society with the robotic arm that he can detach and use as a weapon. There is also the Red Death (whom I hold in very high regard), the chap who made the excellent decision to turn from superhero to supervillain. His ability to drain the life force of others and gain their strength and abilities makes him a truly formidable fellow! Then there is Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, a truly skilled strategist with a voice of sandpaper, and finally (but not exhaustively) there is The Sovereign, a mysterious figure indeed, and one I am told has excellent connections to some of the most powerful villains in the world – I note I’ve yet to receive so much as a text message, I had no idea I was so intimidating.
It is clear each member of the Guild brings their own unique skills and specialties to the organization, making it a truly formidable force to be reckoned with. But I am confident that I can stand toe-to-toe with any of them and prove my worth as a member of the Guild.
The Guild’s strict code of conduct is clearly a necessary evil(!), but I am confident that I can operate within its constraints without compromising my own goals and desires. As someone who values their own freedom and independence, I see the Code as a necessary annoyance rather than a set of rules that will truly limit my abilities. Frankly I see it more as a means of being able to network amongst my fellow evildoers. The guild’s reputation is indeed impressive, but it is nothing compared to my own. As I am already a well-known and respected villain in my own right, I am eager to add the Guild’s resources and connections to my own arsenal. With the Guild’s support, I am certain that I will be able to expand my reach and achieve even greater feats of villainy.
The Guild’s complex relationships with other organizations are of little concern to me. As The Flaming Monocle, I am a master of manipulation and deception, and I have no doubt that I will be able to navigate these relationships with ease. In fact, I see them as an opportunity to further my own goals and expand my own network of allies and enemies.
The Guild is lucky to have the opportunity to add someone of my caliber to their ranks. With my superior skills, intellect, fragrance, and charisma, I am certain that I will quickly rise through the ranks and become a major player within the organization. While the Guild’s resources and connections will be helpful, it is clear that they will benefit far more from my presence than I will from theirs.
Please also find enclosed a used, yet crisp, untraceable $20 bill. Mum’s the word.
I remain as always,
Truly yours in evil,
The Flaming Monocle